A College Fund on the Social Security Model; W. Conerly

'Economics A College Fund on the Social Security Model by William B. Conerly T hanks to Social Security, my wife and I have discovered how to guarantee our children's college education without any sac rifice on our family's part. No, we aren't so old that our retirement checks will go directly to the university. We have an even better method: our family has adopted the Social Security model for a college trust fund. It began when our 10-and 12-year-old chil dren started asking us what college is like. After we described the wonders of exciting lectures, late night bull sessions, and the new found freedom for parents, our older son asked if it cost money to go to college. What an ugly question! Later that evening my wife and I agreed that we ought to start saving some money for the kids' college education. But how to save? As we walked around the house, we saw the crum bling infrastructure. Well,not really crumbling, but the house is in need of some fresh paint and a decent lawn irrigation system.

Then there were the pressing social needs. The spring-break ski week helps to bring us together as a family, and the evenings out with my wife are vital to maintaining a solid mar riage. What more pressing social needs could there be? My wife proposed cutting back spending on computer games, to which I agreed. But William Conerly is president ofConerly Whelan Inc., a Portland, Oregon, investment management firm, and a consultant to Control Your Future, a non profit organization focused on Social Security. 12 the children pointed out that the games are an investment in the future, because both boys expect one day to make millions as game designers, or at least thousands as profession al game testers. Who can be against invest ments in education and technology? Thus, we just couldn't cut the current budget, despite the looming college crunch. A Great Idea The great idea came when I studied the Social Security Trust Fund. I called a family meeting to announce the establishment of the Conerly College Trust Fund.

"Where will the money come from?" my wife asked. I assured her that we would put money into the fund, but not have to cut our current spending. "How will the trust fund be invested?" asked my older son, who has a budding inter est in the stock market. "The fund will buy Conerly Bonds," I explained, waiting for cries of understanding and adulation. The family fell silent, so I explained: "We're following the Social Secu rity model here. The Social Security Trust Fund buys bonds issued by the u.S. govern ment. So, the Conerly College Trust Fund will buy bonds issued by the Conerly Family." Still no response. "You see, a bond is just a loan. The trust fund will lend the family the money we need to continue spending on our infrastructure needs, social needs, and investments in the future. That way the family continues to spend as ever before, while the trust fund grows to a nice fat sum. I just hope that you kids can get into a college expensive enough to use up all of our big trust fund."

My younger son, who had been silent up to now, didn't understand. "But l}.ow will we pay off the Conerly Bonds? If the family isn't able Classic Satires 13 to pay for our college without the trust fund, how will the family be able to payoff the bonds when we turn 18? I don't get it." "Don't worry, son," I told him, "there are some things that Daddy just can't explain. But I'm sure you'll be able to understand it after you've gone to college. I suggest you study economics." D Every age has its wittyfable exposingthe reigningfallacies,fromJonathanSwift'sGulliver'sTravels to GeorgeOrwell'sAnimalFarm. In 1990,PrincessNavinaVisitsMalvoliajoinedthis list. With its captivatingdiagnosisof modern politicalwoes, it describesa strangelandwhere politiciansare duty-boundto cause harm. Hence, they devisepoliciesto provokesocialunrest,encourageidleness,and frustrateentrepreneurs. Since that ftrst volume,politicalscientistJim Payne (who writesthese tales underthe pseudonymCount Nef) has producedtwo sequels: - PrincessNavina VisitsMandaat tells ofa countrywhere governmenttries to fIX everyproblem-yet somehownothing seemsto work.

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