I. Marital Reneficence

As I have before pointed out, this ill-treatment of ,vornen has been an unavoidable conconlitant of the chronic struggle for life arl10ng tribes, ,vhich is still going on in some places and once went on universally (§ 335). The brutality fostered in men by their dealings with enemies, necessarily operated throughout their daily lives. The weakest ,vent to the wall inside the tribe as 'wen as outside the tribe. Utter absence of sYlllpathy lnade it inevitable (835) 336 THE ETHIOS OF SOOIAL LIFE. that women should suffer from the egoism of men, without any limit save their ability to bear the entailed hardships. Passing this limit, the ill-treatment, by rendering the women incapable of rearing a due number of children, brought about disappearance of the tribe; and we may safely assume that Il1ultitudes of tribes disappeared from this cause: leaving behind those in which the ill-treatment vvas less extrerne.

It lTIUSt not be supposed, however, that the women who, throughout the past, had to bear all this misery, and in I many places still have to bear it, were or are essentially better than the men. All along the brutality of nature has been common to the two; and, as we see in the love of tor turing prisoners, is, among SOlne of the North Alnerican tribes, even more pronounced in the women than in the men. The truth is simply that 'the unqualified and cruel egoism characterizing both, has worked out its evil results on those least able to resist. Hence the women have been COlTI pelled to carryall the burdens, do an the wearisome and monotonous work, remain unfed tin their masters have satis fied then1selv6s,and left to 1i,Te on the remnants. Only during these later periods of hurnan history, in which the destructive passions have not been so constantly excited by the struggle for existence between societies, small and large, has the treatment of women slowly become less brutal; and only during this saIne period has there been growing up in Inen, a perception that women have certain special claims upon then1, and a sentiment responding to the perception.

§ 429. Perhaps, however, it is going too far to ascribe this softening of conduct to any consciousness of its pro priety. Little by little character has changed; and the accompanying amelioration in the behaviour of men to women, leading to gradual modifications of custon1s, has had no recognized sanction beyond the authority of these MARITAL BENEFIOENOE. 331 customs. Such and such privileges are now conceded· to women, partly because hnmediate sympathy prompts, and partly because social conventions direct; but there is recog nized in no definite waythe true ethical basis for this better treatment. In preceding chapters we have several tirnes seen that beyond the equalization ,vhich justice hnposes upon us, by putting to the liberties of· each liInits arising froIn the liberHes of all, beneficence exhorts us to take steps towards a further equalization. Like spheres of action having been established, it requires us to do something towards diminishing the inequalities of benefits which superior and inferior severally obtain within their spheres. This re quirement has first to be. fulfilled in the relations bet"ween men and women. Leaving aside all questions concerning lnental powers, it is undeniable that in respect of physical powers, wornen are not the equals of men; and in. this respect are disadvantaged in the battle of life. It is .also unquestionable that, as the bearers of children, they are placed at a further serious disadvantage-are fronl time to time in considerable measure incapacitated for using what ever powers they have. Nor can it be. doubted that though on the man. devolves the business of providing sus tenance .for the faluily, yet the onerous duties of the woman, in unceasing attention to children from morning to night day after day, tie her more closely to home, and generally Brnit individual development to a greater degree. The inequalities thus necessarily arising between th~ lives of the t\VO sexes, men have to rectify as much as they can are called upon to rnake compensations.

Thus the observanceswhich characterizethe conduct of men to ~romen in civilized societies, are not, as they at first seem, arbitrary conventions. If not consciously, still un consciously, men have in ·lTIodern tiules conformed their behaviour to certain well-authorized dictates of positive beneficence.

338 THE ETHIOS OF SOOIAL LIFE. § 430. The ideas and sentiments which should regulate the relations between men and women at large, find their special sphere in the ITlarital relation. 11e1'e, more than else,,,'he1'e,it is the duty of the man to dilllinish, so far as may be, the disadvantages under which the woman has to live. During the early stages of married life this duty is usually well fulfilled. Save in the utterly brutal, the sentiruent which unites the sexes ensures on the part of the man, at any rate for a time, a recognition of the wonlan's claim. Her relative weakness forms one element of attraction; and, by implication, there results the desire to shield off such evils as the relative weakness entails. But though the nature inherited fron1 a ruder type of huruanity has been rendered less exclusively egoistic, it eventually re-asserts itself to some extent in a large proportion of cases. Frequently the solicitude at first sho\vn, diminishes; and, occasionally, even the acts of con sideration which custom dictates, come to be disregarded -sometillles with assignable excuse, and sOluetimes with out excuse.

It is consequently needful that there should be kept in mind the true ethical basis for the sympathetic self sacrifices required of men to ,vornen in general, and especially required of husbands in their behaviour to ,vives. So long as the code of conduct vvhich regulates the general relatiuns of the sexes, and more especially the marital relation, is thought of as conventional in its origin, it is more apt to be disregarded than when it is seen to originate in that form of beneficence which seeks to make less unequal the lives of those to 'whom Nature has given unequal advantages. The incidents of female life during the chlld-bearing period, are such as from time to time demand special consideration. Perturbations of health, more or less marked, are ordinary concomitants; and with these MARITAL BENEFICENCE., 339 there sometimes go mental perturbations. When recog nized as accolnpaniments of the functions which bear so heavily on women, these are of course to be tenderly dealt ,vith. There' is a further more general effect liable to be produced, which, in some cases, being~ n1isunderstood, underrnines affection. As before indicated, theantago nism between reproduction and individuation not U11 frequently causes in women a sensible dirninution in mental activity. Intellectual interests which before mar riage were marked, diminish or cease; and a highly cultured man, who had hoped for a wife's sympathy in his aims, finds himself disappointed. Hence, sometimes, an alienation leading to decrease of domesticity. But a beneficence of the enlightened kind, rightly construing this decline of brain-power, will not regard it with iIn patience but with regret: accompanied even with some extra sympathy, in consideration of the mental pleasures which are being lost.

§ 431. Of course these .self-sacrifices, slnall and large, which a husband is called on to make for a wife, are not without limit. While on the one hand the inherited moral nature, at present so imperfect, frequently causes on the part of husbands a neglect of those attentions V\Thich a due beneficence requires of them; on the other hand, this saOle inherited moral nature frequently causes insistence by WOluen on undue clairns. Something much beyond the normal compensation for feminine disadvantages is demanded and gained. Not unfrequently a relation of this kind is established during a first pregnancy_ At such a time ewigeante beha viour on the part of a wife cannot well be resisted. Any considerable mental agitation might have disastrous con sequences; and the husband, fearful of such consequences, feels obliged to yield, however unreasonable the demand may be. Once initiated and continued for sorne months, 60 340 THE ETHICS OF SOCIA.L LIFE.

the relative attitudes of the tV\TO tend to becolne permanent. This result is evidentl,y.most liable to occur where the wife is one for whorn unusually large sacrifices ought not to be nlade-one whose inferiority of nature is sho'wn by thus using her advantage. What should be done in such cases it is difficult to say. The ans,ver must vary with the circumstances. While pronounced suprernacy of husband over wife is undesir able, still more undesirable is pronounced supremacy of wife over husband-more undesirable because" wonlall is less judicially-minded and Inore irnpulsive than luan. Though the undue assertions of claims 011 the part· of a wife cannot well be resisted under the circulllstances in which they are probably first made, yet they may be resisted afterwards, when possible mischiefs no longer threaten. And for the happiness of both they should be resisted. For since the masculine trait which above all others attracts women, and gives perlnanence to their attach ments, is the manifestation of po\ver, the lack of po,ver shown by constant yielding to aggression, eventually becomes a canse of declining' affection and diluinished conjugal happiness. The trnth that a ,varnen often loves more a strong man who ill-treats her than a weak man 'who treats her well, show?s how great a mistake it is for a husband to accept a position of subordination.

But all questions of this kind which take their rise in a human nature not yet sufficiently civilized for harmo nious domestic life, any more than for harmonious social ]jfe, must relllain with very indefinite answers. Acti ye . sympathy, and the beneficence resulting from it, are re quisite in both husband and wife; and lack of them in either must have evil results, not in any ",-ray to be remedied. All one Inay say is that the needful benefi cence on the part of a husband should err by excess rather than by defect.

MARITAL BENEFIOENCE. 341 § 432. Of course marital beneficence should be re ciprocal. Though it is owed in chief measure by husband to wife, it is owed in large measure by wife to husband. While there have to be made by her no cOlnpensations for relative weakness and vital disadvantages, yet a return for benefits and sacrifices received, has to be made in such slIlaller benefits and sacrifices as domestic life affords place for. Indebtedness to the bread-winner has to be recognized, and in some measure discharged: the tacit contract iInplies this as a matter of justice. But beyond fulfilment of the tacit contract. by due performance of necessary household duties, there is scope for beneficence in the multitudinous small acts which help to make a home happy. If, on the one hand, we often see among the least civilized of our people, husbands utterly regardless of their ,vives' claims, burdening theln with labours such as are fit only for luen, we often see" on the other hand slatternly wives who, lounging at doors and spending their tinle in gossip, so neglect household work as to bring on continual altercations and dornestic Inisery. ,Even among the well-to-do classes there are not a few married wornen who, now occupied in novel-reading, now in· visiting, now in fancy-work, scarcely ever go into their kitchens, and delegate all their duties to servants. Beyond the efficient household adminstration demanded alike by justice and by beneficence, there needs on the part of a wife sym pathy in a husband's interests and airns and anxieties.

That this is spontaneously given to a large extent is true; but it is also true that there is frequently little or no attempt made to participate in his leisure occupa tions and tastes. The way in which girls who daily prac tice music before marriage, give up their music after mar riage, exemplifies the failure in those small beneficences which due reciprocity demands.

342 THE ETHICS OF SOCIA.L LIFE. §433. Respecting all that part of good conduct in the luarital relation which goes beyond the denlands of justice -the tacit contract for fostering and protection on the one side and discharge of domestic and Inaternal duties on the other-it Inay be remarked that it should be spon taneous. As before said, beneficence when constrained ceases to be beneficence. Unfortunately many of the observances prompted by kindness, becoIrle mechanical as fast as they become established; and in so doing lose much of that beauty they originally had. When what were concessions come to be claimed as rights, the pleasurable feelings on both sides which at first accompanied them, disappear, and are sometimes replaced by opposite feelings-the clahning of the assumed rights hnplies egoism, and the yielding of them is without sYlnpathy. lIenee alike in the social relations of men and women and in the marital relation, it is desirable to maintain, as luuch as may be, the distinction between justice and_ beneficence; so that the last may continue to bear about it the aspect of a freshly-prompted kindness which has not been counted upon.

Full beneficence in the marital relation is reached only when each is solicitous about the claims of the other. So long as there continues that common attitude in which each maintains rights and resists encroachments, there can never be entire harmony. O!lly 'when each is anxious rather to make a sacrifice than to receive a sacrifice, can the highest form of the relation be reached.