II. Parental Beneficence

CHAPTER II. PARENTAL BENEFICENCE. § 434. Already in the chapter on "Parenthood" forming part of "The Ethics of Individual Life," much has been said which might equally well or better have been re served for treatment under the above title. But the conduct of parents to children has still several aspects, not included in that chapter, which remain to be con sidered here. Speaking generally, we may say that parental conduct exemplifies beneficence nlore than any other conduct. Though in the relation of parent to child egoism now and then becolues more pronounced than altruism, and though there is such a thing as the selfishness of affection which sacrifices the higher interests of a child to gain ilnmedi ate pleasurable emotion, yet· there is here less need for elnphasizing beneficence than there is for emphasizing certain restrictions upon it. Thoughtless beneficence has to be replaced by t~oughtful beneficence. In cases where there is an ungrudging supply of everything needful for bodily developlnent, and a furnishing by proxy of all the requisite aids to intellectual development, there is often but a niggardly expenditure of the reflection and attention required for good manage ment.

§ 435. To the mass of people nothing is so costly as thought. The fact that, taking the world over, ninety (848) 344 THE ETHICS OF SOCIAL LIFE. nine people out of a hundred accept the creed to which they vvere born, exelnplifies their mental attitude towards things at large. Nearly all of them pursue mechanically the routine to which they have been accustomed, and are not only blind to its defects but will not recognize them as de fects when they are pointed out. And the reluctance to think which they show everY'Nhere else, is shown in their dealings with children. The tacit assumption is that ,vhen i they have provided well for their physical needs, and de livered theIn over to teachers paid by themselves or by the public, they have done their duty. But parental beneficence truly conceived includes more than this. Some parts of mental culture may rightly be deputed; other parts cannot. Though the later stages of intellectual education may with advantage be consigned to teachers, the earlier stages of it, as well as the education of the elnotions during all stages, devolve on parents.

They may here be aided by others but cannot properly be replaced by others. Even ",,.hile yet in arms, the child looks for intellectual sympathy: thrusting something given to it into your face that you too may look at it; and ,vhen it reaches a conversational age, constantly adding to its statelnents the question "Isn't it ~ "--so showing its de sire for agreement and verification. From parents more than from others should COlne the response to this in tellectual need; and by parents more than by others should the normal process of instruction be based on the child's habits of inquiry. For parental affection, where it is joined with an observing and reasoning intelligence, will gi ve an interest to this process of unfolding-a greater interest than can be felt by others. The eagerness for knovdedge which every child shows by perpetual questions, parental beneficence will ailn to satisfy: from time to time opening the way to new classes of inquiries concerning facts "vhich a child's mind can appreciate. It rnay be said that a father after his business fatigues, or a mother in the midst PARENTAL BENEFICENCE. 345 of her domestic cares, cannot do this. But a very small amount of attention given daily, will suffice to aid and di rect self-development; and rightly cultured parents will find interest in watching the progress.

Still more is home regulation required for the right moulding of character, alike in the earlier and in the later stages of education. If parental conduct has been what it should be, the reciprocal affection produced gives to a parent a greater powTer of influencing the emotions than ean be possessed by anyone else; and a good parent will regard it as a part of daily duty to use this influenee to the best purpose. Not by coerei ve methods will he proeeed ; for if a right relation has been established these will rarely be needed,· but he will proceed by influence-signs of appro val and disapproval, of sympathy and repugnanee, given to actions which are novv above and now below the standard. Where from the beginning there has been pursued a proper eourse, and where there is a due amount of that inventive thought required for adjusting lllodes of eontrol to pecu liarities of nature, moral education will cease to be a trouble and lnay beconle a pleasure.

But whatever may be the difficulties in the way, parental beneficence includes ministration to the minds of children as well as ministration to their bodies. If the young are to be reared into fitness for life, it is absurd to suppose that parents are eoncerned with one faetor in the fitness and not with the other. § 436. While parental beneficence usually falls far short of the requirement in SOIne ways, it greatly exceeds the require ment ·in other ways; or rather, let us say, in other ways it prompts the giving of immediate happiness without due re gard for remote happiness. Of course I refer to the prac tice, everywhere reeognized and condemned,. of "spoiling" children. If it is the business of education to produce fitness for 346 THE ETHICS OF SOCIAL LIFE. adult life, then it should nlake the life of early days simulate the life to be led in later days, in so far as to maintain, if not the sallle proportion, yet some proportion, between its labours and its pleasures. Doubtless early life, as being the time for gro,vth and development, should differ fronl later life in the respect that nlore should be given and less denlanded, both physically and Inentally. But, nevertheless, there should from the first be initiated that relation between efforts and benefits which is to become pronounced at maturity. There should not be a perpetual giving of gratification out of all relation to industry. A thoughtful beneficence will avoid a profuse ministration to childish desires.

Besides the Inischief caused by too great a dissociation of benefits from efforts, there is often in modern times an accompanyin~ mischief-not among the poorer melnbers of the community but among those who have means. Va rious social pleasures which should be reserved for adult life, are provided in large alnonnts for children; and a necessary consequence is that adult life has much less to gi~e them than it should have. In a rationally-conducted education, the surrounding world and the incidents of every day, may be made to yield pleasures quite sufficient to fill the leisure parts of a child's life, without having recourse to many artificial pleasures; and a wise benefi cence, by taking care fully to utilize these, will avoid the evil now frequently inflicted by indulgent parents, who make a son blase before life in its full form has been entered upon. § 437. Often where parental beneficence is adequate in all other ,vays, there renlains a way in ,vhich it falls short.

There is a lack of. proper self-control in the proportion ing of kindnesses and attentions to different children. This causes much mischief, of which there seems but little consciousness.

P ARENTALBENEFICENCE. 34'7' It is in the nature of things that there cannot be equal amounts of affection felt by parents for all their children. The law of the instability of the homogeneous shows itself in this detail as everywhere else. There is inevitably a gravitation towards inequality, and more or less of favouritism. Even from birth some children commend themsel ves less to maternal affection than others do; and the differences in the feelings drawn out towards theIn, once established, are apt to 'be increased· by the differences of treatment which result, and the different amounts of responsive affection. Here we are shown the way in which blind instincts, even of the altruistic kind, require to be checked and guided by the higher sentiments. For beneficence and justice alike dictate as near an approach as may be to equal treatment of children-that is, to equal participa tion in parental care and kindness. Noone will question that, as a matter of justice, each child has as good a claim as another to those aids to development which parents are called on to yield; and it can scarcely be denied that such parts of parental conduct as exceed justice and pass Into beneficence, should also be distributed with ap proximate fairness.

It is important that in· this sphere t11e rule of the sentiments over the instincts should be strong; for immense mischiefs arise from favouritism in families. Parents in many respects high-nlinded, often inflict great cruelties on some of their children, to whom they show habitual indifference while daily lavishing affection on their brothers and sisters. It is no small thing to cast a gloonl over all the years of a child's life. But beyond the direct evil there are indirect evils. The mental depression produced tends towards discouragement; and often causes intellectual inefficiency. The character is unfavourably modified by the aw'akening of antagonistic and jealous feelings. And there is a loss o£ that controlling power 348 THE ETHIOS OF SOOIAL LIFE. which is gained by a parent who has fostered sylnpathetic relations with a child. In few' directions is parental beneficence Inore called for than in resisting the tendency which inevitably arises to distribute kindnesses to children unequally.

§ 438. The most injurious kind of ill-regulated parental beneficence remains to be nalned - an excess in one direction often associated with deficiencies in other direc tions. A father who has discharged his duties to children quite lnechanically, taking no trouble about their luental culture, and giving to them throughout their early lives but little parental syrnpathy, has nevertheless devoted many years of untiring labour to accumulating a large fortune, which he bequeaths to them. Not, indeed, that he has been prompted wholly, or even nlainly, by the wish to leave them well provided for: Often the purely egoistic desire to obtain the honour 'which wealth brings, has been the chief motive. But joined vvith this there has been the desire that his children shall have bequests ,yhich will enable them to live without labour and anxiety. In so far as this shows beneficence, it 'shows a mistaken beneficence.

Our existing social regime, with its vast amounts of property in relatively few hands, though a regime appro priate to the existing type of humanity, and probably essential to it, is one which we nlay rightly regard as transitional. Just as modern tinles have seen a decrease /in those great political inequalities, and accompanying inequalities of power, which characterized earlier times; so future times will most likely see a decrease in those great pecuniary inequalities which now prevail. Having elnerged from the militant social type, we appear to be passing through a social type which may be distinguished as militant industrialism-an industrialislll which, though carried on under the system of contract, instead of under P .A.RENT.A.LBENEFICENCE. 349 the system of stat-us,is in considerable measure carried on in the old militant spirit; as, indeed, it .could not fail to be, seeing that men's characters and sentiments can be changed only in the course of long ages. Though pecuniary inequalities-some of theln perhaps not incon siderable-may be expected to characterize the future, re-asserting themselves' after socialisins and commUniSlTIS have temporarily triumphed; yet we may infer that under higher social forms and a better type of humanity, they will be nothing like so marked as now. There will be neither the possibilities nor the desires for accumu lating large fortunes: decrease in the desires being, in part, caused by recognition of the truth that parental beneficence, instead of enforcing them, interdicts theIne For a man's children are injuriously influenced both by the hope that they "rill be enabled to live without labour and by the fulfilment of that hope. As indicated in the chapter on "Activity" and elsewhere, there can be no truly healthful life if benefits are dissociated from efforts.

The principle on which human beings, in conlmon with all other beings (save parasites) are organized, is that sustentation shall be effected by action ~ and detrirnent results if the sustentation comes without the action. There is initiated a relaxation of the organic adjustluents which, if continued generation after generation, win cause decay. There is no need to emphasize this. The de moralization caused by" great expectations" is matter of comillon remark. While parental beneficence when it exceeds the normal requirement-that of fully preparing children for complete living, and helping them to make a fair start in life is disastrous in the way pointed out, it is disastrous in another way. It generates in children thoughts and feelings profoundly at variance with the filial relation. The scene between Henry V and his dying father, when to Prince fleury's excuse for taking away the crOWll-" I 350 THE ETHICS OF SOCIAL LIFE.

never thought to hear you spettk again," the king replies "Thy wish was father, Harry, to that thought;" may be taken as typical of the state of rnind which is apt to arise where a father's death brings to a son great power or property. or both. The well-recognized fact that between the existing owner of an entailed estate and the expectant owner, there cornmonly arises a certain silent jealousy, sufficiently proves this. Inevitably, therefore, one who accumulates a large fortune "rhich at his death will pass to his children, who will sirnultaneously escape froln tute lage, runs an irnminent risk of· raising in their Ininds the dreadful wish that he may die. Thoughts about the benefits which will eome after his decease frequently suggest themselves; and though filialafIection may be strong enough to repress them, they cannot be long absent, and rnust produce a chronic emotional conflict of a demoralizing kind.

In all ways is this common habit of providing largely for children maleficent rather than beneficent. Besides tempting t1).em to inactivity and carelessness while they are young, and besides confirlning these traits when they COlne into possession, thus making their lives abnormal ones, it is injurious alike to parent and to society. Entire absorption in business-an utter materialization of aims, while it d"rarfs the parental life mentally, undermines it physically: bringing on ill-health, and an end earlier than is natural. At the same time the greed of property fre quently prompts that merciless cOlnpetition 'which, as 'we saw in a preceding chapter, not only inflicts misery on competi tors needlessly, but entails social mischief. Hence it is inferable that due regard for his o,vn clain1s, for the claims ot fellow-citizens, and for social clailns, should conspire with a far-seeing beneficence in preventing a parent from making his children independent.